«Madam? Argh, you're a doll, aren't you.»
I, or rather, my friend, he's called "Fujinon xs-10", was taking another loud and noticeable photo of four nicely dressed women. "Excuse me, madam," I said, not looking back, hoping to be judged nicely while obviously to her, I was taking a very upfront/private photo.
She, nor any of the other three women, said anything. Though I was gone anyway, following her to the next public bathroom while clicking everybody passing in the face, hoping for a decent photograph for upcoming exhibitions or competitions. Ahem.
Later, at the hotel, I was thinking about these four women, wondering if it could have been at least a lucky shot. When I opened the JPEG on my iMac, I didn't really know what to think, honestly. "Argh," I said. "Uhm, you're a doll, aren't you?" I mumbled to the bright JPEG in front of me.
Wanting to click to the next image, my eyes stopped at the two dolls in the back. They had that perfect "uncanny" look in them. My brain, tired as it was, must have recognized them as real people for a moment there. Because all of a sudden, I felt like I was in free fall, my stomach turned upside down, I felt ashamed, caught in the moment like a child, judged, and looked down upon. I felt like apologizing. "This is getting stupid," I said. "They are just dolls, what do I care!" The two still looked at me menacingly. Obviously, because they are dolls, which usually don't move especially on a photo...
Even tough I knew perfectly well that they are mass-produced plastic imitations of people, weathered, bald, decorated with scratched-off paint on their faces, I couldn't help myself but feel emotionally, ethically, and somewhat personally responsible for invading this person's - uhm, excuse me, doll's personal space.
It feels like my essence of feeling was being directly confronted. "Why do I feel like this?" "Why do I feel looked at?" "Why do I even feel anything, dammit!" "It's just some dolls," I said.
So here I am, feeling emotionally connected to a bunch of pixels, shot on a camera which was pointing at some plastic with overpriced textiles and paint on them. Submitting this, for an emotionally hitting contest... Now they have to look at you, at least.
